Doing it All

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Yesterday as I sat in the glider rocking Vinny to sleep the tears started rolling down my cheeks.  And they wouldn't stop.  Tear after tear.  No sobs, just straight-faced tears.  I rocked Vinny longer than I needed to, composed myself, and headed to the basement to let the rest out via sweating.  (Week 2 of Jillian's Ripped in 30 is HARD!)

I feel so overwhelmed, stressed and have anxiety 24/7.  Before I had Vinny our house looked like a model home.  You could walk in on any given day and everything would be in place, the floors freshly vacuumed, the laundry always kept up and not a dish in the sink.  However, lately, life has been busy and time has been limited.  I have dog fur floating on my floors, the laundry room looks like a war zone and there are dirty dishes and bottles in the sink.  I absolutely hate it.  It's not how I'm accustomed to living at all. 

So, I sat in the glider, holding my sleeping baby, and cried over how I wish I had more time to do it all.

Being a working mama is hard.  Like, really hard.  There aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done and I'm having such a hard time letting stuff (dishes, laundry) go.

I have to keep reminding myself that I choose to come home from getting Vinny from daycare school and spend over an hour on the floor playing with him.  Sure, I could easily sit him by the laundry room and do laundry while he plays or give him some toys and scrub the toilets and vacuum.  But I choose to interact with him, play and enjoy my time with him.  I only get a certain amount of hours a day with him and I want those hours to count.  I don't want to look back at this time and remember how clean my house was. 

BUT in doing so my stress level is through the roof and I feel so overwhelmed. 

How do working mamas do it all?  Is there something I'm missing?  Some secret that hasn't been shared yet?  I'd love to know.


Freckles Chick said...

Oh C, if I could reach right thru this screen & hug you I would.

I have so much respect & love for you for being a working mom & for choosing to spend your non-office hours w/ Vinny instead of choring it up. He'll grow up knowing his mama worked her butt off for him & that she gave him her whole heart.

For what it's worth, it gets easier this whole juggling act we call motherhood. Quinn plays by herself more now, which makes it easier to fold laundry, etc & still keep an eye on her...all the while not feeling like she's neglected. Slowly but surely our house is looking like squatters don't live here. =]

Meanwhile, I'm giving you an awkwardly long hug...........yep still hugging......shhhh, just go with it.


Cora said...

Ahhh, sending you an E-hug :) I'm a freelance graphic designer, which means I work out of my house but even so, still struggle with finding time. I guess what I'm trying to say is working or not, we all go through the same emotions. Sometimes as mothers, I don't think we give ourselves enough credit. You're doing a great job and I'm sure Vinny doesn't care about the dirty dishes :)

Joi said...

Such sweet advice from the last two ladies.

Girl, the tears flowed for me this past summer and never stopped. I can empathize with your emotions. I was overwhelmed to say the absolute least. Theron never was happy, or at least it felt that way. And I couldn't get stuff done because leaving his sight was not an option [it still isn't]. Even though he's nearly one year old, he still is very fussy and cries when he is set down. He wants to walk non-stop so getting stuff done while he is awake after work is nearly impossible.

So because he forces me to, and because I do really want to, we spend quality time with him while he's awake at night. So after he goes to bed, at 6:30 p.m., David and I eat dinner and then make sure the house is picked up. I love my dishwasher because you can't see all the dirties and David does the laundry. I'll usually vacuum on the weekends when David is playing with Theron and dust throughout the week while David feeds Theron dinner. It's hard and you're great, C. Don't beat yourself up because you are a fabulous momma!


Fionnuala Darby-Hudgens said...

Girl, there is no secret.. and no working Momma can do it all. A couple of suggestions maybe hire a cleaning person, just twice a month - to get the bathrooms done.

Maybe play with V 4 out 5 evenings week, and give one to the house. It will help your stress/anxiety. A happy healthy momma is an essential ingredient to a happy healthy child.

Lastly, ASK for help!

Your not alone momma, chin up, and power on.

Anonymous said...

I am a work at home mom, which sounds/is dreamy but it is tough and I am so overwhelmed. I spend my days cleaning up one mess while he makes another all while on the phone with clients. My advice is to pick one area each night to focus on after he goes to bed. Mondays nights do laundry, Tuesday vaccuum, Wednesday bathrooms, etc. I spend 10-15 wiping down the kitchen before I go to bed and sweeping each night. Then toys get picked up. Anything above this is a bonus. Weekends while he naps I can get more done. It is survival mode.


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