As you know, we have a pretty sweet arrangement right now with Vinny. I work part-time, 3 days a week. Those 3 days where I'm in the office C is working from home and taking care of Vinny. So we have managed to forgo daycare. It's been a nice arrangement and we are lucky that we are able to have the flexibility in our jobs to make this work.
But I know it will have to come to an end eventually. C will need to be in the office 5 days a week towards the end of February or beginning of March.
With that in mind - we toured a daycare yesterday. GASP! All of my neighbors take their kids to this daycare and rave about it. So, going into our tour I felt nothing but positive thoughts. We met the teachers and supervisor. Everyone seems so nice and very attentive. We checked out the room where Vinny would be playing and napping in. It's nice and filled with toys so I know he would have a blast playing there. However, half way into our tour, I just broke down and started bawling. We are talking crocodile tears bawling. I couldn't control my emotions or make myself stop sobbing. Mascara was smeared all over my face.
I was a mess.
I really didn't think that just taking a tour of a daycare would have caused such tears. I didn't expect that and surely C was caught off guard as well.
I know it's not like we are dropping Vinny off tomorrow at daycare. We still have some time. But just the thought of someone else taking care of my baby other than C or I brings me to tears. I realize that sounds super silly. But, I'm a first time mom and all of this is new to me. We have not left Vinny with anyone other than his grandparents for longer and an hour and a half. So the pure thought of Vinny being in daycare for 3 days, 9 hours each day, makes my head and heart hurt.
Now I know there are so many benefits of daycare. Vinny will get the socialization he needs, learn more than I could possibly teach him and make friends. Plus, as much as I would hate to admit it, it's probably good for him to be away from mom and dad for a while. But, emotionally, it's taking it's toll on me. I'm sure every new mom has felt the feelings I'm having and can relate. I just have to keep telling myself that this is for his own good and that it's only 3 days a week.