3 Months .. WHAT?!?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Vinny is officially 3 months old.  HUH?  For real?  Shut up.  How did this happen so quickly? 

Time just keeps going by faster and faster and as much as I try my hardest to slow it down, it doesn't work.  I now realize what moms mean when they say cherish every moment with your baby because before you know it, they are toddlers.  Granted Vinny isn't close to being a toddler yet.  But 3 months have gone by much faster than I anticipated. 

Vinny has filled my heart with more happiness and joy than I ever could have imagined.  I'll admit I was never one of those girls who dreamed of being a mom.  It was never something that was high on the priority list.  There was a point in my life where I didn't even think I wanted children.  But after suffering a miscarriage everything hit me like a ton of bricks.  I never knew how much I wanted something until it was tragically taken away from me.

And now, I can't imagine not being a mom.  Nor having Vinny in our lives.  It's like he's always been here.  I seriously have never loved someone so much in my life. 

Here's my man.  All 3 months of him.  And look, no iphone photos!

And I Call Myself a Photographer?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I have a confession to make:  I don't have very many pictures of Vinny.  Wait.  Correction.  I don't have very many pictures of Vinny using my fancy smancy camera.

This is unacceptable.  Completely and utterly unacceptable.

You would think that since I'm a photographer that I would have a pleathera of photos of my son.  Or, for that matter, have the camera in his face 24/7.  But, sadly, I don't. 

The beginning weeks can be blamed on the baby blues.  I got them instantly.  I cried and cried and cried.  Because of the blues, I wanted nothing to do with my camera.  Obviously that was a huge red flag for C and my mother-in-law that something was wrong with me.  But the blues are long gone.  And now my lack of photos can be chalked up to pure laziness.  And I'm ashamed to admit I let myself get so lazy.  I found it so much easier and convenient to snap a pic or 20 of him with my iphone than to grab my camera.  Even when my camera is readily available. 

I'm kicking myself for being like this.  It's hard to call myself a photographer when I don't even have recent non-iphone pictures of my son to show for. 

It might be a little later in the game than I would have liked, but from here on out I am vowing to be better and more consistent with taking photos of Vinny.  No more laziness.  Vinny and I are starting tomorrow with his 3 month photo shoot in his nursery :)


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I have survived.  I am surviving. 

My first day back to work was last Friday.  I honestly thought I'd be a puddle of tears leaving Vinny in the morning.  But, surprisingly, I wasn't.  I think it's because I knew he was going to be with his daddy all day.  That makes this whole going back to work thing a lot easier on me.  I got in at 7:00 and by 9:00 I was ready to pack up and head home to see my boy. 

Yesterday was a lot easier than Friday.  I missed him, of course.  Like crazy.  But, with jumping right back into the piles of files on my desk my day goes by pretty quick.  Before I know it, it's 3:00 and I'm heading home.   Since Thanksgiving is this week I only have a 2 day work week.  Three and half more hours to go.  Not that I'm counting or anything. 

So with working only 3 days a week, coming into the office early so I can leave early, and having peace of mind that Vinny is in good hands with his daddy at home, I am doing good with going back to work.  Now once we have to put Vinny in daycare things could get a little messy.  I'm anticipating there will be tears everywhere.  But we'll cross that bridge when the time comes. 

And no post is fun without a picture.  How cute is my boy?  Ugh, love his little face. 

Part-Time Mama

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Well. It's going to happen. And soon. I will be able to go back to work on a part-time basis (3 days a week), keeping my medical and dental benefits. That's great news, right? If you asked me that questions 2 days ago, I would say absolutely. But, today, now that reality has set in, I'm a puddle of tears.

I don't want to leave Vinny to go back to work-even if it is part-time. I know I should be thankful that he will not be in daycare but with his daddy while I'm at work. But the fact of matter is that he won't be with me. And that pretty much is killing me. I know C will do a great job with him while I'm at work. And that's not even an issue. My issue is that I won't be with Vinny and do our day to day things together. It hurts and makes me sadder than I ever imagined it would.

BUT I want a paycheck. And unfortunately my firm isn't going to pay me to stay home and take care of my baby. So I have to go back. I just wish it wasn't this hard emotionally.

Sweet Dreams

Monday, November 5, 2012

Vinny's not a napper.  During the day he takes little catnaps consisting of 15-20 minutes.  Tops.  Unless he's in the car or out shopping with me.  Then he will sleep until we get home.  I don't mind his catnaps.  Especially if it means he'll sleep through the night (or just get up once during the night).  I rather have it that way than longer naps during the day and not sleeping good at night.

His catnaps are never in his crib.  Which is obviously all my fault.  He falls asleep in his swing, bouncy chair, pack n' play, floor, my bed - anywhere but his crib.  In weeks past I tried putting him in his crib to nap and it just resulted in him screaming.  So.  I never tried again.  (Bad mom, I know.)

Until today.

Vinny passed out in my arms while I was working on the computer.  My initial reaction was to put him in his swing next to me.  But, instead, I tried the crib again.  I laid him on his side (which he prefers) and slowly backed away from the crib waiting for his eyes to pop open and his screams to fill the air.  But neither happened.  So I did what any mom would do when their child napped in his crib for the first time.  I grabbed my camera.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

I still haven't heard back from my office manager on if I can come back part-time, with benefits. I suspect the answer will not be in my favor.

I'm single parenting this weekend as C is deer hunting. Poor Bambi. I hate that he hunts. But it's something that he lives for each year. I'm sure he can say he hates that I shop. Or goes to Starbucks too much.

Speaking of single parenting - I had a horrible night last night. Normally Vinny is such a good sleeper (like his mommy) and either gets up once or sleeps through the night. Pretty sure he was up every hour last night. It may have been his worst night yet. I'm hoping this was a fluke. Regardless, Starbucks is in my very near future.

With the hubs gone this weekend I will find myself at Old Navy cashing in my super cash and stocking up on some new clothes. I haven't been shopping for non-maternity clothes in over a year. It's time. Even if body isn't 100% back to normal.

I may or may not have eaten an entire pizza by myself last night. It was only 10 inches - relax.

I can't decide what I need worse right now. A pedicure or my brows waxed. This having a baby thing has limited my salon visits.

Vinny can't stop smiling. It literally melts my heart.


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